Military Parade is what’s on Trump’s mind. Of Course, he wants to show off his military might and Throw Himself a Military Parade. That’s every dictator’s dream, isn’t it?
Military Parade for Trump’s America, how do you feel about it? America doesn’t need a big parade to convince the world that it has a military. Trust me, the world knows America has a military. It’s in their countries right now. Like, if you… -(cheering, applause) You don’t need one. If you really want a parade, just, like, every time there’s a drone strike, just fly another drone behind it, playing marching music, you know? Just like… (imitates marching band music) (imitates explosion) It’s a parade. And although Trump is really excited about, uh, getting to play with the army like they’re his G.I. Joes, uh, luckily, most people are adults. I say that it’s a fantastic waste of money
to amuse the president. It’s kind of cheesy and, I think, shows weakness, quite frankly. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. We’ve got to also be cautious about how we do the spending. We have a Napoleon in the making here. I don’t know. It seems like a waste of money. -Damn. -(audience gasps, oohs) You know it’s bad when even Fox News thinks this is a waste of money. Yeah, they’re like, “You can’t spend that how much a parade.
“You need to save it for sexual harassment settlements. Come on.” But the reason… the reason a lot of people are against this parade is not just because of the waste of time and money. It’s because, France aside, military parades have come to be associated with authoritarian regimes, like North Korea, the Soviet Union, and China. And, now, look, a military parade on its own the doesn’t mean that Trump is gonna be a dictator, but it’s when you look at everything else that your Spidey-Sense starts to tingle.
You know? Yeah, like firing the FBI director who was investigating his campaign. Discrediting the electoral process by claiming voter fraud. And he just this week “joked” that not clapping for him is treason. Yeah. I mean, he even gave top government jobs to his own kids. All right? And, I mean, sure, those are his smartest kids, but who’s their competition, you know? And let’s be honest– none of this took us by surprise. The whole time Trump was running for president, he couldn’t stop talking about how much he admired strongmen around the world. Saddam Hussein. You know what he did well? He killed terrorists.
He did that so good. I think I’d get very… along very well with Vladimir Putin. REPORTER: On the phone with Philippines president Rodrigo Duterte, president Trump says, “I just wanted to congratulate you because I am hearing of the unbelievable job on the drug problem.” REPORTER 2: What do you make of the North Korean leader? Obviously, he’s a pretty smart cookie. Well, that’s one way to describe Kim Jong-un: “smart cookie.” Trump is so thirsty. Like, yeah, I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s on all these dictators’ Instagrams, just commenting on every pic– “Great photo, follow back.
“Nice abs, like for like. Come on. The sexy missile, follow back.” So, in the world of authoritarians, many people are now asking where does Trump fit in? I mean, I know he aspires to them, but does he measure up? Well, it just so happens that over the weekend, they held the 51st annual Oppressy Awards, where the world’s greatest dictators are honored for their work. Now, you’ve probably never heard of these awards because we made them up, but still, I was asked to host them. And that’s not a gig that you can turn down. You literally cannot turn it down.
They kidnapped me and threw me in a trunk. But here are some of the highlights. ANNOUNCER: The 51st annual awards for achievement in the autocratic arts, the Oppresses. The president of the Philippines is here, everybody. Rodrigo Duterte, everybody. Yeah, of course. He’s famous for killing drug users, which I guess, is why he’s not invited to Seth Rogen’s after-party. -Am I right, Seth? -(applause, laughter) If Trump takes home an award tonight, it will be the first thing he’s ever won without Putin’s help. The nominees for the best oppression of political opponents are President Nicolás Maduro, Venezuela, for using midnight raids to jail his political adversaries. Prime Minister Hun Sen, Cambodia, for dissolving his country’s main opposition party. President Donald Trump, the United States, for demanding an investigation of a political opponent. MINHAJ: And the Oppressy goes to: Nicolás Maduro. LYDIC: Best performance by a dictator in a propaganda video: Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow, state-run media. Donald Trump, sword dance. (dancers vocalizing) Rodrigo Duterte sings “Ikaw.” (singing in foreign language) And the winner is Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow. The nominees for excellence in delegitimizing the media are Bashar al-Assad, Syria.
We’re living in a fake news era, as you know. LYDIC: Nicolás Maduro, Venezuela. (speaking Spanish) LYDIC: Donald Trump, the United States. Just because the attack of fake news and attacking our network, I just want to ask you, sir… I’m changing it from “fake news,” though. -Does-doesn’t that undermine… -Very fake news. -I know but aren’t you… -(laughter) LYDIC: And the Oppressy goes to Donald Trump. (“Hail to the Chief” plays) I call it, you know, “fake news.” The level of dishonesty, where they’ll take a story that should be good– I know good from bad– In fact, sometimes I’ll say, oh, this is gonna be nice to read– I’ll say, whoa. And they will purposely totally change it. It’s fake news. (applause) (cheering and applause) Well, I guess Trump isn’t quite there yet. But good news, there’s always next year.
As found on Youtube